I’m pretty sure I have an addictive personality, because most of my life I’ve gone between obsessing about food and exercise. I’ve never had a problem with drugs, alcohol, gambling, or anything else super-detrimental (thank goodness), and I’ve kept it mostly in check for the most part, but sometimes the excitement gets a little… excessive. It’s no surprise that I love food – most people who have spent more than 30 seconds with me know that I adore food and I think about it almost constantly. New restaurants, new recipes, pictures of food, you name it, I will internalize it all and come back begging for more.
It’s kind of the same with exercise, ironically (or maybe thankfully). Once I get on a roll, it’s hard to stop me. Of the 61 days in October and November, I had at least one workout (in many cases, two workouts) each day for 56 days. And 4 of the 5 “missed” days were spent traveling; on all days but 1, I managed to hit 10,000+ steps. (And yes, I’m a total nerd, so I keep a spreadsheet of workouts, along with restaurants, vacation spots, etc. I’m an Excel geek.)
The funny thing is, when I get really excited about exercising, my excitement about food goes way down. Like, WAYYYYY down. I still spaz about certain things (tacos, pizza, new restaurants), but if food normally takes up about 50% of my brain space, lately it’s been taking up about 5%. The other 45% is going towards planning what I’m going to do at the gym and figuring out how many reps to do of which exercise, which machines I want to push myself on that day, if I think I can handle adding more weight or swimming x number of laps, etc.
All of this seems to have a wonderful unintended side effect – I’m shrinking a bit. In a good way. The way in which people suddenly look at me and ask what I’m doing because I’ve obviously lost weight in the past few months. It’s nice, and a little weird – I’m not used to so many people commenting on my appearance, but it’s been happening a lot lately – at home (Thanksgiving), at both workplaces, and at the gym. I get anxious when people focus their attention on me, so I usually just brush them off. But yeah. A lot of time in the gym and a lack of interest in food (compared to normal) will do that.
Another side effect is that most of my clothes no longer fit. I have a couple pairs of jeans that fit, from back in 2008/2009. A few shirts that never really fit before, fit perfectly now. But the clothes I’m used to wearing everyday? Nope. I’m swimming in them. So this all necessitated an “emergency” trip to Kohl’s today, to use up a friends & family pass, and to also get some clothes that actually fit me.
But when I got there, and started trying on clothes, I was confused. The size I’m used to wearing obviously didn’t fit anymore, so I went down a size. But not even that worked – I had to go down to a size I’ve never ever worn in my life, and even then, some shirts were still too big. Granted, I think that was more due to the style of the shirts than anything else, but still. I know I can wear some clothes from the kid’s department, but I never thought I’d need to drop back down to Juniors clothing. Again, it’s nice, but really incredibly weird. I think it’s more disorienting than anything else – I have no idea what size I wear in anything anymore, other than shoes and socks. It’s driving me crazy. So now if I want to go buy a new shirt or a dress, or whatever, I’m going to have to spend extra time trying on a bunch of different sizes until I get it right, cause there’s no way I really believe that I’m wearing the size I just bought.
Anyway, I know this entire post probably comes of as humble-bragging or whiny, but that’s not my intention. It’s just that I’m having trouble thinking of myself in a different light, and I need some help coming to terms with it (hence, writing).
And although I hate Kohl’s stores with the fire of a thousand suns (long story, even longer grudge), I did find a few really cute shirts there today. At least I had a good reason to get out there and take advantage of some holiday deals! 🙂