Wardrobe Malfunction

Since I finished up work for the week today (YAY!), I wasn’t in a big hurry to get home. There was no need to get to bed at a certain time so I can wake up at a reasonable hour tomorrow, so why not stay out a bit? So I did. While I was in Monroeville, I stopped by Old Navy on a whim, just to browse, and I noticed that their signage proclaimed at least 50% off on the contents of the entire store. GAME ON… or so I thought.

As I made my way through the store, I came across their athletic attire. Normally I don’t even bother looking at sports bras in stores like Old Navy because they never have what I need. Specifically, I like being able to adjust the band and also the straps, and I generally go with sports bras that are high-quality, expensive, and branded as “high impact.” This is why I’ve been wearing the same 5 sports bras over and over and over again for the past, umm, seven years or so. (::ducks from shame::) They’ve held up really really well, and there’s no problem with elasticity, but they’re a little looser than usual (due to all of my clothes being looser these days) and they don’t look so pretty. So yeah. Subconsciously, this is probably how I ended up looking at the sports bras in O.N. And what I saw was actually quite promising.

Not only did they carry sports bras with adjustable bands and straps, but they were cute(ish). And colorful. And they had my size. Excited, I grabbed a couple and headed for the fitting room.

This is where things get a little fuzzy.

YOU GUYS. Which women-hating men created adjustable criss-cross sports bras? You know it had to be a collaborative effort, because there’s just no way any one man has that much hatred for all women. I mean, I don’t have the words to describe the war that went down in that fitting room. First, I unbuttoned the band and tried to put it on like a normal bra. NOPE. The crossed straps choked me, and for some reason they were in front of me. Tried again a different way, couldn’t get the straps onto my shoulders. I tried so many variations, and it took so long that I legitimately got a cramp in my back on three separate occasions from trying to get the thing on. Finally – FINALLY – I was able to get it on my body and adjusted… and it only took about 20 minutes. And actually, it looked kind of cute… or as cute as it could look on my body that was at that point covered in red splotches from the shimmying and adjusting.

But 20 minutes to put on a sports bra? Newp. Can’t do it. It fit well and it seemed like it’d do the trick, movement-wise, but why spend money (even half-off money) on something that you’ll never wear because you’re too afraid of hurting yourself putting it on? No thank you.

So if you need me over the next few days, I’ll be nursing my fitting room wounds (for real – scratches!) and hoping for an Amazon sale on my current brand of sports bras. 😉


About Lindsay

I'm a Burgher who loves trying new foods and activities. I also seem to love getting myself into trouble. Basically, I'm a trainwreck waiting to happen. :)
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3 Responses to Wardrobe Malfunction

  1. maryaquino says:

    Damn, that’s where my criss-cross sports bra must have come from. I hate it too…cuz while I don’t have one that un-buttons/snaps/hooks, I have one with the criss-cross straps that always winds up strangling me when I try to take it off. And if it doesn’t try to kill me, it tries to surgically remove one of my boobs. SMH. Bras (in general) and pantyhose are both developed by men.


    • Lindsay says:

      I don’t mind pantyhose so much, but I honestly just don’t know if this particular sports bra was really incredibly challenging to put on, or if I’m really incredibly stupid sometimes. Probably both. 🙂


      • maryaquino says:

        No. Not stupid. Damn things are a puzzle….combined with a straight jacket, with a side of torture device. And while I’ve hated panty hose for a long time, I use the excuse that I’m in the south and hose don’t go well in the heat and humidity.


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