There’s this weird thing that happens sometimes – you tell a limited amount of people something and that limited number of people suddenly turns into a much larger amount of people… not through any ill will (the contrary, actually), but just by the process of people confiding in others. Before you know it. a much larger group than the 4 people you told is asking you about the secret and offering advice.
That’s sort of what happened today – people were texting me information and advice about a meeting I was scheduled to have, and it got my hopes up just a little bit. Maybe it shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been more clear-headed and reasonable. But so many people convinced me that something very specific and good was going to happen, and they’re people who are partially responsible for writing these pages of history, so I started to believe it too. And truthfully, when the meeting came, it wasn’t all bad – some very nice things were said and something good (a job) could come of it if I want it to. But at the same time, some things that happened back in January came back to the surface after the meeting and now I’m hoping I don’t lapse back into the dark space that was early-mid January. It’s not looking good at this point, as I’m currently fighting the urge to completely disengage from everyone and everything. I hate when things are like this, but it’s incredibly hard to stop a train that’s already in motion.
On the very vaguely plus side, I finally got to see where a secret staircase that I’ve wondered about for 15 months leads… I like being one of the few people who know about it, even if it’s not very exciting at all.
We also went for drinks after our volunteer meeting, so that was fun.
But if a Moscow Mule and a secret staircase are all I have getting me through the day, it’s not looking like the next few weeks are going to be pleasant. Wish me luck, I guess.