This morning was r.o.u.g.h., so I needed a lot of coffee. It cheered me up a little to use my new Birmingham mug I bought at the airport, but then it made me sad because I’m back home and back to regular life. I think I might have been truly happy in B’ham. These days in Pgh? Maybe not so much.
I had a lot on my mind last night, and I barely slept. It’s strange timing, because a friend emailed this morning and brought up the thing I’ve been thinking about so much, as though he could read my mind. To put it mildly, something is bugging me and I’ve managed to keep my mouth shut about it for an entire week – as in, I literally haven’t told a single soul, not even my usual small circle of confidants. When I was traveling, I had enough other things going on to keep me occupied, so I didn’t have the time or energy to think about it… but now I’m back and the problem isn’t going away on its own.
This morning, via email, my friend tried to get it out of me and I still didn’t budge. That’s how I know it’s a more serious issue than I’d thought – when I can talk about a problem, it means things are on the upswing. When I can’t even talk to one of my favorite people about it, that’s not a good sign. But the emails, though I deflected them, did help a little. My friend seems to know just how hard to push before backing off, and he said just enough to let me know that I can talk to him if I need to.
Knowing for certain that you can call a person in the middle of the night and they’ll meet you in the middle of nowhere, no questions asked, to let you cry and scream and they’ll do what they can to try to make you feel better… that’s as close to a hug as I think you can get without physically being in the same room. Some people might say they’ll do that, but when you know without a doubt that the person is genuine and serious and wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever they can to try to fix the problem, that’s something special.
For now, having that offer might be just enough to get me through.